Exploring the Grief Eliminator as a tool to combat grief and prevent suicide.
The Grief Eliminator is one of the most effective treatments to prevent suicide and to combat extended feelings of grief associated with loss.
Here are its core principles:
Focus on what presently disturbs you, for example: “I can’t get over the death of my dad/mom/ partner/grandma/grandpa/child, etc."
Write a letter to the person you have lost.
Resolve all other traumas or anger that flare up due to this loss. Previous losses and angers must be resolved prior to implementing the Grief Eliminator.
It is important to understand that grief therapy will not ‘delete’ the memory of the loved one, but will, in fact, make it easier to remember your loved one in a warm, comfortable, loving and grateful way. The therapy will reduce the intense pain and normalize the sadness and distraught. Once you grasp this, you become far more resilient.
You will now be, able to revisit the worst memory of the person that passed away. You will need to show him/her the painful place/moment you experienced. In this step, you will speak to him/her that you lost.
Always remember no pain, no gain. You have to deal with the raw bare emotions of loss to be able to move on. Find closure by letting your inner child scream it out.
Zoom in to the worst moment and then freeze this moment.
Form a memory of him/her in this moment creating the most loving goodbye for the person you lost. In this memory, include all you want to say and everything you feel you need to remember - go ahead and do that now! This is so powerful and will linger on in your mind and memory. The deceased person can talk to you to reassure you that it is completely ‘private’ - you will not have to share this with anybody you don’t want to share it with. It is between you and the deceased, a ‘golden string’ after saying goodbye - put this memory in a crystal ball. Let the deceased go in a loving way, because even when he/she is gone, he/she can still be your imaginary friend whenever you require support or conversation with the deceased. He/she can be your “guardian angel”. That will give you inner peace and strength. Keep this phrase in your mind: Until we meet again. Life is not a destiny, it is merely a journey.
If it’s a short goodbye, you are resisting letting go and will have to repeat the process until you can let go of the raw emotions. The primal scream of loss, the sobbing or the punching a cushion are examples of how these raw emotions manifest.
Redo the process and let the goodbye take longer. Revisit memories, say thank you and show gratitude. Ask questions such as: what has this person’s life made me realize? Share that with him/her. Can you remember when we did that ….? When you stated this …. ? Take him/her back to the moments when you felt powerful.
Now create a future wonderful memory where you have a new beginning with the ‘deceased’ shining the way. Remember, it is normal to experience sadness but it is also natural to experience joy now that you know now that the deceased and you can celebrate his/her life together. You can light a candle or have a special token that reminds you of the deceased.
You can speak to him/her whenever you want to by just touching the token (e.g. a bracelet). You can say 'come to me', ‘show me the way’. This is called self-talk meditation.
You can grow stronger until he/she forms an integral part of your being and wisdom. Life is momentary– it is in the “moment” -so make plenty of good memories and keep on learning even if it is painful. My dad used to say: "Life is like jawbreaker, so tempting, so sweet and so nice, but also so hard… just go for the ride Elisa Doe Little (my nick name). Embrace and enjoy every living moment as you can never get it back. You can’t control everything. You just have to surrender to the laws of the universe."